New Parent Meeting...

The Guild sponsors a new parent meeting each quarter.  We had missed the last one because Trinity had JUST been born, but we were able to make this one.  I must admit I was so excited to go to the meeting and see all the other parents.  I was looking forward to talking to other people just like us...to connecting with parents and children in our situation.  I must say though I was NOT prepared....

As we were walking through the parking lot and into the building we were greeted by a really nice mom, Stephanie, and she introduced us to her son Dillon.  CUTE little guy!  He was a ball of energy..:)  When we got to the door of the meeting space I saw another mom I had meet at our Mommy and Me class so we talked some and found a table together.  As I looked around the room I became a little overwhelmed at all the parents, children and teens there.  AND this was not all of them since they had childcare available for the young ones.  As the meeting began I noticed there were 2 tables of teens sitting off to the side and as the facilitator started talking about the teens and how they participated in the  Slant 45 program and the Super Bowl I got excited.  She told us how each of the members had participated in the Slant 45 Movie and how each of them had really practiced their performances etc etc.  Hearing all of this gave me hope!

As the first performer was introduced and she came up to do her dance I was impressed that so many of the teens would be open and not shy.  As she began to dance I thought to myself...OK she is not the best dancer, but she was really good for someone with no professional training.  The 2nd person to come up was a guy doing a song, as he started singing I sat there with a plastered smile on my face.  I could not understand a word he was saying?  I chalked this up to fluke thinking the music was just to loud and I could not hear very well and waited for the next performance.  The next teen to come up was doing a comedy routine and I thought this will not have any disturbances and I will enjoy this!  I again could not understand a word this teen was saying either.  I sat through 6 or 7 more performances of songs, jokes, reenactments and all of them wee the same...I could not understand them?

I pride myself on being a VERY open person. especially to different cultures, different accents etc.  I was raised a Military  BRAT so I traveled quite a bit and was exposed to all different types of people and walks of life, so for me this was shocking.  I felt like I was the only one in the room hearing this.  I looked around and other parents were smiling.  I was not sure if they were smiling because they could hear what I could not or if they were in my shoes?  I felt like if this were any another time in my life I would be sitting here clapping, laughing and enjoying myself immensely because I would feel that they were doing their best.  That this was AMAZING for them...considering!  But as I sat there all I could think was "how is this happening to me?"  ..."What if others won't be able to understand Trinity?"..."What if I, her own mother, can't understand her?"..all of these questions and more went racing through my mind and I had a hard time holding back the tears.  When the meeting was over we were invited to mingle and meet other parents.  I felt myself wanting to run from the room and out the door screaming...leaving Washington to fend for himself..anything to get away.  Instead, I put on my shell and started to mingle and put myself out there.  I talked to a few parents with older children (3-4 yrs range) but could not tell you what they said as I was not present in the moment. Eventually I found my way to a small group of new parents just like us.  Thankfully this became a lifeline for me.  Most of the parents in this little group had children younger than Trinity, who is 3 months old now, so I was able to become "The Assistor".  This is what I do best!  You need something, I am the person who is willing to either give you the knowledge I have or find it out.  This helped put me in my element so I started telling everyone about the Mommy and Me classes, signing up for ECI, all the different waivers they need to get on lists for etc.  I was in my element and able to keep it together! 

After leaving the meeting all I could do in the car ride home was cry.  Thankfully Washington and I were able to talk through our feelings and as it turns out he was feeling the same.

This meeting did help me make some GREAT connections to other parents in my area, but I must say I am very disheartened at the moment and not sure what to do?  I did learn something about myself ...I think I am more VAIN than the little bit I thought?  For all the years I have done volunteer work and prided myself on being open to those in need I have to wonder if it is for show?  Will GOD help heal my heart?  Will he help me be a better person in spite of my short comings?

Today was a depressing kind of day....

The Mommy.